Robert Benchley Quotes

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
Robert Benchley

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Robert Benchley

After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.
Robert Benchley

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
Robert Benchley

Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it.
Robert Benchley

At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
Robert Benchley

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
Robert Benchley

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Robert Benchley

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
Robert Benchley

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.
Robert Benchley

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.
Robert Benchley

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
Robert Benchley

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.
Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
Robert Benchley